藍色大海

first of all, you made a mistake.
or, maybe, you did it deliberately, didn't you?
i'm not angry, nor happy, nor sorry,
i'm just...i don't know? 
i made mistakes, too. many many times, i know.
actually, i knew something that you didn't and would never tell me. i already knew.
something about love, like, marriage, my home...
some imagination relate to future.
you have imaged that, then i had, too.
yet i just CANNOT SEE IT. it won't happen if we're the same person.

ten years.
in fact, not that much, maybe nine or eight years, you know.
pretty much long time, huh?
you don't want my sorry or thank you or wish you happy?
that's fine. so what could i say?
what did you want me to say?
you even can't speak it out loudly.

i really like you.
i didn't say i love you before but,
that's it.
that's it.
if you ever felt it, that's it.

but i'm not the person you should be in love.
you can find someone cuter, more zealous, sensible, emotional, woman...
okay, i'm doing nothing good, right?
i'm sorry.
that won't do any good, either.
but i have to say that, 'cuz i really do, i do sorry for these years.

you know why i don't go the way which is under the bridge anymore?
'cuz we had go through it many times.
those trivial things became memories, so i can't go that way anymore.
yeah i am an imbecile.
i don't want to think about you.
but i did it all the time.

IT
the last thing i am going to explain.
"it" is your code name between me and sandy in our exchange of diary.
we've use it for six or seven years.
when we mention you, we'll use "it", that doesn't mean anything good or bad, just a code name.
or, if you want me to type in your name right in here?
and, you yourself always use "you" to call me, don't you?
(but i don't want to be called by my name. that's true...)

it is not a secret if you left your tracks.